Tiger's Mess

Here we go again. Another wealthy male celebrity widely reputed to be one of the nicest folks ever born in the history of our planet has a zipper problem, which may or may not be compounded by a fondness for pills and booze, a rampant ego, potential daddy didn't love me enough issues, and lord knows what else.

There is no excuse, story or personality quirk that can justify cheating on your wife under any circumstances (especially when she is busy being pregnant with and subsequently raising your progeny).

One of the more interesting aspects of this pitiful morality play is the use of the word "mistress" by the media. The classic definition of mistress is a "kept woman" who is lavished by her older sugar daddy with jewels, clothes, cars, fancy meals, an upscale place to live, and other baubles. A middle class version of pay for play.

What we appear to have in this case are a bevy of cocktail servers, nude models, hookers, porn stars, golf groupies, good time girls, and self promoters (not that there's anything wrong with that!).

What you do not have here is a mistress situation. You have a rolling international sex tour by a wealthy celeb who likes to go trolling for impressionable young women with more street smarts than book smarts.

So why does this term dominate the coverage? Did the media choose a word less potentially offensive and volatile to the idiot American parents who still believe egotistical millionaire athletes are positive role models for their children?

Does this word make Tiger Woods less guilty of patently offensive behavior? Or is it a case of media celebrities closing ranks to shelter one of their own favorite jocks by playing fast and loose with language?

Only the late language maven William Safire would know for sure. But he is no longer available for comment. Stay tuned, though. There will be many more chapters to read in coming months about this self-inflicted public relations wound.